All You Never Wanted to Know About Us....

Yay! I had my final doctor's visit today (except for check-ups) and everything looks good! My surgery was five weeks ago yesterday. I am cancer free and feeling great!! God is good!

Since it was a great day, I wanted to do a fun post. I stole this idea from Jaime and filled in my own answers. (Um, except, some of her answers are great, so I left them the same!)

I AM … blessed a thousand percent!

I WANT… every child to have a safe and loving family.

I HAVE … too much fat.

I KEEP … biting my nails! HELP!

I WISH I COULD … be a stay-at-home mommy.

I FEAR … not seeing some of my family in Heaven.

I HEAR … the girls practicing their letters with Tony.

I DON'T THINK … the healthcare plan is the best idea, matter of fact, I think it's horrible

I REGRET … some things, but if presented the opportunity to go back, i don't think i would change them since it would alter the course of life. AMEN Jaime!! Couldn't have said it better myself!

I LOVE … my family intensely.

I AM NOT … sure what God wants Tony and me to do when we grow up.

I DANCE … with the girls.

I SING …in the car with Tony. He usually rolls his eyes. Especially when I hold out a fake microphone for him to sing into.

I NEVER … want to look back and say, "I wish I would've/could've".

I CRY WHEN I WATCH … pretty much anything. HELLO people...I just had a hysterectomy!

I AM NOT ALWAYS … certain.

I HATE THAT … there are kids out there who have never had a mommy or daddy kiss a boo boo, tuck them in, or whisper that Jesus loves them.

I'M CONFUSED ABOUT … where Tony and I should be, and what we should be doing for God.

I NEED … to lose weight. Maybe that's what I should be doing for God!

I SHOULD … clean more often, be nicer to my husband, be nicer to people, be more approachable, be more involved, be more steadfast, be better…ME TOO Jaime! Except, add, laundry, read my Bible more, give love more freely, not be judgemental.



Ok, now I'm forcing Tony to do this. Let's see what he puts!



I AM … going to try to lose weight (and am going to complete this for my lovely wife)

I WANT… to lose weight

I HAVE … to finish sorting laundry and put it away at some point

I KEEP … pondering life...what should I do when I grow up

I WISH I COULD … make an impact

I FEAR … many things

I HEAR … Cooper (our new puppy) passing gas (WOW - how could something so small release such toxic odors????)

I DON'T THINK … I'm ready to go back to work tomorrow (I had two lovely days off)

I REGRET … stuff

I LOVE … my wife, kids and family

I AM NOT … pleased with the direction PBO is taking this country

I DANCE … (nope, I am a Wesleyan :) )

I SING … with the girls in the car - usually "5 little monkeys jumping on the bed" - their favorite.

I NEVER … have been to Europe and several other places...

I CRY WHEN I WATCH … coverage of the cash for clunkers...what a waste of perfectly good vehicles

I AM NOT ALWAYS … on time

I HATE THAT … life is not always fair

I'M CONFUSED ABOUT … what's next

I NEED … to do many things...exercise, eat better, read Bible more, etc...

I SHOULD … do everthing I just mentioned in the I NEED...

Thankful Thursday

SO thankful for them...

Ok, settle in, I'm thankful for a LOT!

*I'm thankful for doctors who are given their gifts from God.

*I'm SO thankful for a husband who took care of me and the girls like no other. I couldn't have asked for a better, more loving man.

*I'm thankful for both sets of parents who took days off to help, drive, feed, play, love, entertain, and care for us during and after the surgery.

*I'm thankful for family who checked in often and offered any help they could.

*I'm thankful for friends who cooked meals for us for two weeks. You will never know how valuable that was!

*I'm thankful for the flowers, cards, balloons, well wishes and prayers! They were needed and felt!

*I'm thankful for feeling more like myself now.

*I'm thankful for God's provisions so that we were able to have a vacation together as a family and make wonderful memories before the surgery.

*I'm thankful for the sunshine.

*I'm thankful for puppy kisses that make my girls squeal.

*I'm thankful that I have a job that I love, and I promise to give 100% effort in it. (at least most of the time...eheh, everyone has an off day!)

*I'm thankful I live in a place where I am free to worship God, the Creator.

*I'm thankful for nap times, that give me chances to recharge and blog! (Which it's almost over...I better go!)

What are YOU thankful for?????

Enjoy a few pics from our vacation!

Baba is so patient when he is teaching them!

I'm thankful for these two gorgous princesses who were taking a break from kingdom duties, by resting on our cabin swing.

The girls are thankful for new friends...this cute little statue bear in our cabin. Not sure if they'd like the real deal...RIGHT LINNY?

Just some pretty flowers outside our cabin.

MY man!

One view from our cabin...

...and another.

You can take my uterus, but you can't...

...stop me from having babies!!! HA! I use the term, "having" loosely. I mean, we have added to our family. We now have a new furbaby. We went into a store to buy dogfood, and came out with a dog.


Tony thought he was cute, so I asked to see him. He and the girls played and after some discussion (all of five minutes) we decided we'd make the leap.

When we were walking down the aisle, one of the salesladies came up and said, "Ohhh, are you going home?" (directing her conversation at the dog) And then she turned to us and said, "We call him our ADHD dog." Yeah. Well. Listen, lady, we hadn't paid for him yet!


We got him home and he has settled way down. It's like he just knew he was home. Make no mistake, he is Tony's dog. He follows Tony around like his shadow and cries when he can't be near him. He's Tony's dog clear down to his name...Cooper. As in, Mini-Cooper. He's mini (small) and Tony has always wanted a Mini-Cooper. So it just fit. Cooper. Yeah.

For those of you concerned about our other dog, Kyler, well, hmmm. She just barely tolerates him. He's like that little dog on Tom and Jerry, jumping all around and wanting to play with Spike. She does NOT care for his energy level at all. However, if she doesn't see us watching, we have spotted her playing with him and playing tag. At least we THINK she's playing with him! heehheh.

So, without further ado...here he is. Cooper.

Here, Kyler is like, "WHAT in the world have you done to me? I trusted you!"

No name blog post

This is our dog, Kyler. She's displaying for you how I have felt the past few weeks.

Blog, I must. Write, I must. I must. I just must.

I am feeling human again. I am even starting to feel good, if you can believe it. It's time I crawl out of this hole I've been living in, and start writing again. (Besides, if I don't, my mom might take this blog hostage just to see something new posted!)

So, I'm among the living and checking out other people's blogs. I LOVE doing blog walks. I have been SOOO busy catching up with everyone else, I've simply had NO time to blog on my own blog! Or, at least that's what I keep telling myself! But I'm back. I have no deep thoughts. Nothing that will make you laugh, cry, or cringe. But it feels good to type. To feel normal. Or, my kind of normal, anyway.

School starts in just over two weeks. TWO weeks. I was robbed of July, you know. So I think that I should get an extra three weeks off. Can't my principal just shuffle my kids to other classrooms for a few weeks? That'd be lovely.

Alas, not reality. I must muster up the strength and courage to return. But worse than that, we're sending our girls to preschool! WAAAH! Mind you, it's only two half days a week, but it's school nonetheless! What cemented this reality into place was that when we picked up our school packet, we found that the girls have a SUPPLY LIST!?!?! In preschool? A supply list? It's not that I mind getting folders and glue and such, it's the fact that they have a SUPPLY LIST! My babies! They are growing up! Two weeks from now starts the next however many years of lunch boxes, folders, pencils, paper, etc. that encompasses school. I already warned Tony that he'll be in charge of parent/teacher conferences. I'll be there, but the thought of those conferences...some teacher evaluating and talking about MY children! Hehe...makes my stomach hurt!!!

*Sigh* ok, ok, enough. I'll go into panic mode. Better wrap this up. My fingers are cramping! Hehe, they've been dormant for too long! I'll add some pictures to pacify!

We call this art, "Trees". I can see them, can you?
And here, self portraits.

We're helping Baba add a playhouse to our playset!

We LOVE practicing for preschool in our workbooks!

Fast...

This is way bigger than my surgery. Mine is a blip on the screen. This is bigger.

Now go. Read. Do. NOW! Click the link below.

Fast.

She's ALIVE!!!

But barely...hehe...

THANK you for the few of you hanging in there with me! My surgery was two weeks ago tomorrow and I'm just now feeling among the living.

A week ago I had a scare because my incision appeared to be opening. Who knew that this was a possibility? Raise your hands if you knew this. Ok, you, now come over here so I can smack you! It resulted in a Sunday night trip to the ER and another trip to the doctor's office an hour and a half away on Monday. I'm ok now...just over this darned incision.

Now a new development is occurring that would prove to be TMI for this blog, so I'll refrain from sharing it. However, please pray for me. Pray that I would be over and past all this maddness. Poor Tony, and my parents are running ragged trying to take care of me and the girls. And the girls...it's breaking my heart. They know they can't get rough around me, or heck, barely hug me. When I ask for a hug, Abby says, "But you have a boo-boo. I can't hug you." GRRR. And tonight, Tony was trying to do some laundry and pick up a bit and my poor girls just watched some kids play outside knowing they couldn't go out. It was incredibly sad. I had planned this week to sit outside and let them play and play on the swingset, but with the latest wrinkle in healing, I'm not sure if I'll be able to. We all need some serious prayer.

Before I sign off, I want to be clear. God is GOOD...all the time...
I'm praising Him for...a successful surgery, a speedy hospital stay, an over-the-top wonderful husband, loving parents, special friends (who pray, send cards, and yummy dinners!), patient daughters, and His timing.

But I won't lie...I'm SO over this. And I'm sure Tony would say the same!

Thanks for hanging in there with me. Give me some time to heal, both mentally and physically, and I'll be back. Trust me. I have enough hysterectomy humor to last several posts! Love you guys!

Update

Hello all!

First, thank you to everyone for your thoughts and prayers for Rett. We know they worked!

Her proceedure went well.

Rett is sleeping soundly right now. I just left her about 1.5 hours ago (12:37 AM at the moment).

Needless to say, she feels like she "has been hit by a truck" (her words).

Tomorrow (and the following days) will be rough. She will really need your prayers as recovery begins.

I will try to post nightly to keep you posted. You know she will post and provide her thoughts when she gets to feeling better.

Thanks again to everone!

Tony

'Twas the Night Before Surgery

'Twas the night before my hysterectomy and all through the hotel,
Not a creature was stirring, other than my bowels, eerr, well

The twins were all snuggled all deep in their pull-out bed,
With the hopes of more fun dancing in their head.

A bit of shopping and nice dinner and an awesome suite to boot,
They thought they had died and gone to Heaven, with all of their loot.

When over in the bathroom, there arose such a clatter.
Tony sprang from his down bed to see what was the matter!
When what to his wandering ears should he hear
The surgery preparations were happening quite near (I know, TMI!)

Rett dreamed of the surgeon with his green little hat,
and matching green suit, and a bow tie-imagine that!

His nurses and tools a plenty,
Starting the operation game,
He whistled, and shouted, and called them by name...

Now, uterus, now, tubes, now lymph nodes and such!
Now ovary, only one? That doesn't matter much!

His eyes, how they glistened,
His hands at the ready.
A belly like jelly,
but hands oh so steady!

Rett's dream shortly ended,
a content sigh of relief.
The prayers they were felt, and
offered great peace.

She beamed with joy at her friends,
and showed her family much love.
The support she had now,
could only be a gift from above.

She thanked God for His truth,
for his love, and his gifts.
Then peacefully, slumber came
and asleep she did drift.

Happy Hysterectomy to all, and to all a good night!

--------------------------------------

I want to thank everyone for their thoughtfulness, prayers, meal offers, and love. It humbles me beyond words. (Well, sort of...I'm usually never short of words!) Please continue to lift Tony and the girls up. They will be doing the most work, I think. They'll have to deal with one hormonal lady. Hopefully, Tony will shoot out a message so that everyone knows when I'm in the clear! Thanks again, my friends and family. I'd be lost without you!

P.S. In church last night, we sang a song that hit me like a ton of bricks. The lyrics go, "You make everything glorious...and I am Yours! What does that make me?" I immediately thought that, you know, God DID make me! In His image! And uterus or not. Bio babies or not. He made me glorious and for His purpose. And I'm taking ownership of that. I love it. Peace is mine!

WHEW!

OK, I have been totally MIA...I know. And I'm sorry. No, wait. No, I'm not sorry...really.. :) We have been on VACATION! And after all that uterus talk, trust me, you NEEDED me to be on vacation! hehehe.

Too tired to upload pics tonight, but we had a fun trip. Rundown goes like this...

For my parents' 70th birthdays (don't shoot me for telling that, mom!) in June, my family decided we'd all bond and take a trip to Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg, TN. HELLO tourist city! But man, we had so much fun!

Friday, Saturday, Sunday we spent with my family (nieces, nephews, sisters, brother, parents, great-nieces and nephews). We splashed and played in the pool, we ate, we teased, we shopped, we laughed, we cried. It was just awesome. The best part was seeing my parents so happy just to watch us be a family! Then, sadly, most of them left on Sunday and we stayed on at the cabin we always stay at. (I'm sure the next post Tony does with pictures will include the cabin and the website...but I'm too lazy to look right now).

Anyway, this cabin is special to us. This year made our fourth year there and every year we envisioned bringing our kid(s) to it. So it was neat to share the cabin with them. They LOVED it! They could play for hours with the black bears and plastic apples the cabin owners used as decorations! They didn't want to leave today! They did NOT, however, love the ride to and from the cabin. Every time we would go up or down the mountain, we'd hear, "My tummy hurts!" or "My head hurts!" Uugh, motion sickness.

Today, we took our final trip down the mountain and being the smart mommy that I am, thought, "Hmmm, suckers, candy, and toys were not enough of a distraction while traveling. Let's try a movie! We'll turn the DVD player on and see if that distracts them enough to get them down the mountain!" WORKED like a CHARM! That is, until we went to a neighboring city to shop at a T*rget and promptly upon entering the store, Abby threw up all over me. Ewww..but she instantly felt better and began singing all about it in the restroom!

So beyond that, it was great. We did some shopping...and by some...I mean a TON of shopping. Didn't necessarily buy a ton...but had fun looking! We drove to Gatlinburg and did more shopping. We ate ourselves silly and had junk for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. We attempted to play putt-putt for the first time with the girls. Yeah, that'll get its own explanation! And just really spent time hanging out together and enjoying each other's company. It was one of the best vacay's I've ever had. (Minus the two baby turtles we had die while we were gone...SO SAD!)

It helped that we had a great housesitter, Beth. She was here when we went to China and helped us again! She just rocks! (Just don't ask her to turtle sit...KIDDING!)

*sigh* so it's late...and I should be unpacking...but I'm not. I'm going to get going though. We'll be back with a better post AND pictures! Hopefully in the next day or two, since the the big Hysto is scheduled for Monday!

G'night from home! There's no place like it!

Just Nice

OK...uterus, shmooterus. Let's move on, shall we?

Two very nice things happened today! First, a sweet, sweet bloggy friend gave me a blog award!

Now I need to drum up my 15 winners and pass out their awards...alas...another day. But THANK YOU Adeye!!!! You should definitely check out her blog! She is an amazing God-filled woman with some pretty amazing children!

The second great thing was that for the second (maybe third) time in my life, I got a pedicure! My sister, nieces, my girlies and I loaded up and went to a local beauty school (think hard working, but oh-so-affordable students!) to get pedis done! I took the girls and my sister was gracious enough to keep an eye on them while they got their nails and toes painted too!

I gave up all control and let them pick their own color. YIKES! Laney chose blue...sparkly blue. WOW. And Abby chose purple...a dark rich purple....until the nail tech decided she needed white tips, french manicure style. YUCK! She loves them though, so I'm keeping my opinion to myself and praying they "chip" so much I have to repaint them soon. At least their toes are adorable in those fun colors! Me? I chose a plain french manicure for the piggies. LOVE it.

Here's Abby. She's ultra serious about this manicure business!

The guy that did the pedi was so great! I was a bit nervous at first, but oh man...my nerves melted right away...it felt SO good! I could have fallen right asleep! It was an hour of massaging, kneading, and painting...all for $10. Yes, you read that right! Support those local beauty schools! They need the clients and the practice, and I need the affordable pampering!!!

It's blurry because it's from my phone, but here is Laney getting the Oh SO blue applied!

Anyway, just had to share the fun day we had. I needed some joy and the girls LOVED the girlie day! We went to lunch afterwards and now they're napping wonderfully! Sounds like I better get something productive done. We're headed for vacay on Friday and I'm LIVING for it!

HORRIBLE picture, but wanted to give you the idea!

I hope you're having a pretty toe, relaxed calf muscles, pampered heels kind of day! I know I am!!!

Happy Baba's Day!!!

I just wanted to take a minute to brag about my husband. If you're not one for sappy posts, or don't want to read me brag, it's ok. Head on to your next destination. It's not going to stop me!

Right now, my wonderful husband is upstairs mopping the kitchen. Yes, it's 9:45 on Father's Day and he's mopping the kitchen. We have house guests coming tomorrow so we decided we'd get the house in order and "camp out" in the basement to keep it clean (remember, the twinados live here). So we agreed after baths tonight, I'd bring the girls downstairs and set up camp. He'd finish cleaning the kitchen and mop. Goodness, I'm blessed.

-------------------

Tony, you are an amazing husband, friend, son, and father. I knew from our first date on that you would make a wonderful husband. I, however, had no clue what an amazing dad you would be. You went from being nervous around little ones, to grinning from ear-to-ear and waving at a toddler across a restaurant who is seeking attention. You went from saying, "NO WAY" to kiddos, to opening your home and heart to two little girls from across an ocean.

Your heart is so tender. I am seriously giddy with how God has grown you and challenged you to be a voice for the orphan. These are the kids that no one hears, so you promise to shout for them. I know it can be scary, but I'm excited to see how God will use you in the future when it comes to kids. I'm not saying we'll have a brood of children, but He will stretch you to use your gifts for the fatherless. I know it. I feel it. I pray for it.

Thank you so much for providing a secure, loving home. You take care of us so well. You provide for us spiritually, financially, and emotionally. You work hard and are a true man of integrity. You mow, clean, launder, laugh, play, chase, teach, pay, organize, plan, love, kiss, hug, encourage, challenge, balance, work, fix, and pray for and with your family with 100% of your being. You balance me in more ways than you even know.

Our girls are so very blessed to have you as their Baba. I saw you sitting in that cold room in China as nervous as could be almost two years ago. I saw you sit with anticipation and wonder when our daughters came into the room. And I saw you instantly go from man, to Baba, the instant a crying LaLa was placed in your arms. You physically changed in front of my eyes. You instantly became Baba, the protector. And you haven't stopped.

In China...the moment Tony became Baba...

I love you with everything in me. Thank you for all you do for our family. You amaze me. Happy Baba's Day!

Sporting their Life Is Good shirts...and oh baby, life IS good!

P.S. I have a WONDERFUL daddy as well! I want to do a post about my great parents and I will soon because their anniversary is coming up. But for today, I want to say HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to my dad, Bill. Dad, thank you SO much for everything you are and for all you have taught me. I love you SO much.

Therapy Part 4-For Real

OK, so I hope the girls don't wake up from naps yet. I want to get this post done before we do our Father's Day presents this afternoon!

So, let's see, I left off spilling my guts to the world that we followed God's lead about a potential foster daughter, grieved that loss when it wasn't meant to be, got sunburned beyond words, and found out I have to have a hysterectomy...and that all happened in one week.

Since then, I have been teaching at my summer job which is a two week safety course with five year olds. That is a SLIGHT change from the usual fifth graders I teach! It is only half days and I work with a fire chief, and some police officers that make it all worth it. To see grown men in uniform sing, "The Wheels on the Bus" is just priceless! And those kiddos sure do learn something!!! I was lucky this time too, because Sarah's little cutie Amaya was in my class, as well as another friend's daughter and son! It was a fun, tiring, long, hysterical couple of weeks! The money pays for our vacation and the laughs are endless.

To celebrate, I picked up the girls today from their last day at the sitter (*sobs* she was wonderful) and went straight to Dairy Queen (local ice cream shop). In the 90 degree heat I ordered them big ice cream cones and let them eat and drip and get it all down their faces, hands, arms, dresses, and shoes. When Tony surprised us by showing up there, he was shocked I let them do that. I figured, what the heck. It's hot. My last day. And my girls deserved a big ole cone of delicious sugar! YUM!

In the evenings we have been doing house projects to get ready for some good friends to come and stay with us a couple of days. Nothing like house guests to light a fire on getting housework done! They'll be here Monday through Wednesday, then on Friday we leave for vacation!!! Then it's back home for a couple of days, surgery, healing, and hopefully a few more house guests!

Speaking of the surgery...I've been going through a whole denial, embrace, face head-on, play ostrich, cry, shout, plead, ache, laugh thing over it. Yeah. I'm a woman. I have emotions. I'm hormonal. If I'm all over the map about this now, imagine what the hormone situation will be AFTER the surgery? YIKES! Pray for Tony!

I like to think that I'm usually a positive person. I mean, I look for the good in situations. When someone cuts me off while driving, I usually grumble at first, but then send a prayer up because maybe they're in a rush due to a loved one's need. Or if someone knocks into me at the store with out saying an apology, I assume they're having a rough day and are just on a mission. I know that's not exactly positive, but I try to give them the benefit of the doubt.

This surgery is no different. I have thought all of the same things you all have been saying. I'll try to give both sides...let's see:

Negative: UUGH, surgery? Pain and healing for weeks!
Positive: Someone else gets to cook dinner and wait on ME!

Negative: Surgery right after vacation?
Positive: My house won't be dirty because no one will be home (except our house sitter and friend) to mess it up!

Negative: You can't lift the girls for a while.
Positive: They can crawl in bed and snuggle with me to watch TV and read (WHICH, happens to be their favorite activity)

Negative: No biological babies. Ever.
Positive: No more periods. Ever.

Negative: Our genetics will not get passed on.
Positive: Our genetics (and allergies) will not get passed on.

Oh, trust me. There are some negatives I can't quite find the positive spin for yet. But I will. In due time. I'm gonna share some personal turmoil here. Let me know if you've ever felt the same (if this applies to you). I'm wrestling with two emotions/thoughts mostly.

1. I feel like a failure.

I know that it's really not my fault. I mean, in the core of me, I know it's not. But I can't help but wonder...if I had lost weight..would that have helped? *shrugs* who knows. But, I do feel like a failure. My body was designed to do one thing...carry a baby. No, it's not the most important thing to me in the world and I can't count how many people have said, "But you have two beautiful babies." I do. I'm not denying that. I would give up any organ necessary to have my daughters. They are my life. They couldn't be more MY children if I had birthed them myself. But regardless of that, it's something in a woman's psyche, I think. Having bio kids was never an important factor in my life, but when you're told you can't...well, it sort of hits you. The one thing my body was designed to do, can't do it. There's no pretty way to put it. It just sucks. I guess in the back of my mind I always thought, "Well, if we decide to have bio kids, we will!" I feel like I have let Tony down. He will NEVER admit that I have, though. He has been the most wonderful thing ever throughout all of this. But I can't help that feeling. We will never have a little strawberry blonde haired, blue eyed, fair skinned little person running around that carries on his genetics. Mine, I don't care so much about...but his I do.

Even as I'm typing this, I start thinking about how much our almond shaped eyed, brown haired, olive skinned beauties carry so much of us in them though. They might not LOOK like us (which Tony begs to differ....hhehehe) but oh man. There is no denying they are our children. The looks they shoot. The phrases they use. The mannerisms they exhibit. They SCREAM Rett and Tony. It's such a God thing. They don't have our DNA, but oh baby, they are us. So see...there's the positive. It's just that the sadness of not being ABLE to carry a baby, still has a little tiny cobwebbed corner of my heart. Eventually it will get cleaned out and heal. But for now, it's still there.


2. The second thought that keeps nagging at me is a bit crude. Sorry. Men and women are separated by only a few things. Reproductive organs, boobs, and a vagina (which is really all part of the same system.) Therefore, when the doctors take out my remaining ovary and uterus, all I have that men do not are boobs and a vagina. This is where I get ticked. In this sinful world we live in, it is NOW POSSIBLE for men to get boobs and a vagina!!!!!! SO where does that leave me???? Will I feel like less of a woman? Maybe. But that's where I'm hoping hormones help! Hehehe...but it's frustrating. I have a feeling that a shopping trip designed to buy girlie things will be happening once I'm on the mend! Look out, Tony!

Ahh...so there. I have more thoughts on the topic...but they'll develop the closer to surgery I get. Plus, this is yet ANOTHER long post without pictures. Should I drum up one of a uterus? How about an ovary? Boobs? Naah. I'll save that one for later. Hmmm, I wonder if the surgeon would be willing to take a picture of my uterus for the blog? Sheesh, the amount I'm paying him, I should at least get a picture right? I might just ask! HA!

Thanks for listening and hanging with me, my friends. I just skirt the edge of being brutally honest about my emotions on this topic, and censoring some. It's just a tough spot. But I'm so beyond blessed and I am going to choose to see the positive. However, if you happen to catch me when my hormones are out of whack and I think I hear my uterus yowling about having a baby...humor me. I know I have beautiful kids. I know I won't ever have to wear a tampon again. I know that birth control will be an issue of the past. But it doesn't mean that my heart doesn't ache just a little. Be patient. I'll heal.

Therapy Part 4

I haven't forgotten you...Life has just been nuts!

PLEASE stick with me!!!

Therapy Part 3

OK, ok, so gyn oncologist. But before I get to that, I have to say thank you for the comments, support, and prayer. It has been crucial. We HAVE felt them. As for the B situation, I feel peace. A deep sadness for her, but a peace about the decision. That is thanks to you and your prayers.

I also want to be clear that although I don't know the end of B's story, or our story as far as growing our family, I do know one thing to be true. We serve a mighty God who knows our thoughts before we speak them, every hair on our head, and the farthest corners of our hearts. I do not for one second believe our journey to B was a wasted trip. We met some amazing people who are dedicated to babies (and older children and teens, yippee!) in the foster system. They are determined to provide a safe haven, if only for a day or two. I admire them. I admire their bravery. They are not ever going to have to look back on their lives and say, "Oh, we could have. I wish we would have." They did. They ARE the hands and feet of Jesus.

Tony and I have grown so much through this too. Our rationale about life and family was challenged and we grew. We grew spiritually. And friends, I cannot explain the joy that comes from being obedient. MAN, what a rush Peter must have had when he stepped out of that boat! We had that same rush. And I'm riding that same high! I LOVE following His commands. This was a particularly scary one, but we did it. And we did it with praise, and trust, and love. And would I do it again? OH YEAH! Which is scary. Because I 100% believe that He'll be calling on us again soon. Until then, I'll just continue to thank him for choosing us!

Which leads me onto the next part of my therapy. The oncologist post. For those who do not know, four years ago this week I had my right ovary and some lymph nodes removed. I had some weird hormone producing cyst/tumor things that were growing in/on/around my ovary, so my doctors felt it was best to just get it out of there! I agreed. They did not touch my left ovary because it was healthy, and in case we wanted to continue to try and have biological children. I was never diagnosed with cancer, WHOO HOO GOD!

Well, at the point of the surgery, we started thinking about the importance of growing our family. Biology wasn't important, even though it was still possible for us. We CHOSE adoption. (It's at this point, I can see God giggling to himself thinking how He knew the rest of that story and the joy he had in store for us). Surgery was in June, healed, started school, and then signed on for adoption through Ch*na in January of 06.

Blah, blah, blah...years pass and we are blessed with our twin daughters. Blessed doesn't even come close to an accurate word to describe how we feel about them. But I think you get the idea. Anyway, I started having some weird symptoms again (if you want those symptoms, email me...I'm already sharing TMI, I'm sure). So for the past, oh, six months I've been to the doctor, doing thousands of dollars in blood work, having ultrasounds, etc to find out...yep, you guessed it. They discovered a lovely little cyst on my left ovary.

So last Thursday, I ventured to a new gyn onc. (mine from the first surgery had moved to over three hours away). The entire staff was nice. From the front desk girl, to the resident doctor, even down to the girl who took my weight and blood pressure. Which my weight alone, can cause an entirely different therapy session!

I met with the doctor, who was a nice middle aged man in a bow tie. He came in and sat with Tony and me in the exam room. He hopped up on the exam table like a champ and leaned in to talk. In his professional opinion, and with my history, he said to go in and get it out. He said I would go ahead and have the total abdominal hysterectomy.

You know, I went into this appointment believing I would come out with him saying that exact same thing. My gut told me that's what I'd have to do. I had mentally prepared for it. Or, so I thought. But after he walked out and shut the door, I lost it. I cried and cried. My heart still aches. And bless that surgery scheduling nurse. She gave me a few minutes to pull myself together before she came to take me to the conference room. And even then, she reassured me she had a new box of tissues waiting on me in there.

It's weird. Big news like this does a number on one's psyche. But I'll save that one for my next post called, WHY HYSTERECTOMIES INHALE WITH GREAT FORCE! (aka, suck) I'll tell you how great Tony was during the whole ordeal. And I'll share my psycho perspective on all of this. Trust me. In that post, you'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll cringe. And I will have done my job.

Any thoughts/questions/comments, please share! And I'll be looking for your opinions, suggestions, and experiences after my next post too. I'll need group support, I'm sure!

Ok, my friends. I'm going to go spend time with my husband. My tanning bed burns are healed enough that I can snuggle once again! It has been too funny because the girls touch my arms and ask, "Does that hurt?" And my cheeks, "How about there?" They're ready for me to be better too!

Have a good night. And once again, thank you for being so supportive!

Therapy Part 2

OK, if you're just joining the group therapy session, pull up a chair and scroll down below and read Therapy Part 1.

Let's see...where did I leave off?

Before church, when we checked our mail, we found the password to access B's information. Hesitantly, I handed it over to Tony. All this build up. All the prayer. My prayer about this moment was, "Please, God. Make this clear. Make the decision clear."

Well, several minutes later, after we finished reading B's full biography and background, we sat back and looked at each other. B, the beautiful girl, was not meant to be our daughter. I cannot explain it. It was like Tony and I looked at each other and just knew. We both immediately said, she isn't meant to be our daughter. How could God lead us here when we know beyond a reason of a doubt that she isn't ours?

I am not going share anything about B's background. Legally, I can't. But beyond that, I wouldn't want to. It's her story. It's personal. And, friends, it's gut wrenching. I gasped throughout the profile and teared up often. This little baby girl...her life....robbed. The conclusion we both came to was that it would in no way be fair to B, or to our girls to bring her home. We expected many needs, but her biggest need is a family that can love on her individually and solely. She needs 100% attention. And our attention here would be divided. So unfair to her, to our daughters, and to us.

Church that evening was rough. Every time the music would start up, my tears would start up. This child of God. This precious child was someone's baby at some point. And all she wanted was love. The next few days Tony and I were just kind of numb. We didn't tell a lot of people...really, only those who asked. It was so hard. We grieved the loss of her life. We grieved the loss of this child that we had prayed for. Did we doubt our decision to let her go? No. Did we doubt God? No. Never, not once. We just grieved a little girl who would not come to know our love, except through prayer.

As instantly as we knew she wasn't to be our daughter, I also instantly knew that I would come unglued at the first person who said, "Well, maybe God led you to her because she'll lead you to your next child." Yes, that's possible, but I refused to believe that B was simply a stepping stone. She was a child. One that we had fiercely prayed and cared for.

So where does that leave us? Kind of confused. But resting in the knowledge that our God knows the rest of the story. We have not ceased in praying for B. She will forever be loved by us. She opened up our hearts to a group of children that have so very few people fighting for them. These teens are not embraced the way newborns are. There are 145,000,000 million orphans available worldwide. How is it I never knew about these kiddos right in our back yard?

Please my friends. Please, please, please pray for these children. So many of them have just been dealt a bad hand. They are pawns. They have little to no control over what happens to them. Who will be their voice? From here on out, I choose to be. I have to be. How? I'm not sure. But I will be. Tony and I will be. I mean, who is talking to them about Jesus? Anyone? Who is tucking them in? Who is telling them that they are loved? Even teenagers need tenderness. It's KILLING me. Will we bring a teen home? Or will our next child be an infant? A girl? A boy? Or is our family complete? Only God knows. And thankfully, I trust Him. But regardless, others WILL know about these kiddos. The ones no one thinks about. Others will know, and hopefully move on their behalf.

So there you have it. That was only the BEGINNING of the week. A loss.

The middle of the week wasn't much of an improvement. However, it was entirely my fault. I'm a moron. I tanned at the tanning bed. Wait. tanned is totally the wrong word. More like fried, cooked, baked, broiled, and blistered. It was terrible. That was Tuesday night, and by Wednesday morning, I was up dry heaving, shivering, panicking, crying, and longing to be dead. One doctor's visit later, she confirmed what I thought. I got burned. Badly. Lovely.

So I couldn't move. Couldn't sleep. Couldn't play with the girls. Couldn't snuggle. Couldn't do hardly anything without wincing. Miserable. But little did I know, it would only get worse. No, not the blisters. I mean, they would hang on (are STILL HERE TODAY) but the week is what I'm referring to.

No, I'm not usually an Eeyore type person, but this was turning out to be a ho hum week. Most people live for the week to come to an end, but not me. On Thursday, I was going to have a doctor's appointment with a new gyn oncologist. Yeah, oncologist. I knew this appointment would determine a lot.

There's some history leading up to a visit to an oncologist, but this post is getting to be as long or longer than the first. So, I'll leave you here. But the therapy isn't over yet.

Life is scary. How do non-believers do it? How do they get up and face every day's trials without God?

I'll share more later...thanks for praying and loving Tony and me!

Therapy--Part 1

If this blog were a piece of paper, it would have been written on, erased, written on, erased, scribbled out, and then wadded up and thrown in the trash. Although I know I NEED to write this post, I just don't even know where to begin.

I guess before I dive in, I want to preface this by saying the post will probably be long. And I have to make a disclaimer...I am the author of this post. If you disagree with something I say, or an action I (or we) took, that's perfectly fine. What is NOT fine is slamming me in a comment. I don't expect you to always agree with me, but I do expect respect. I never leave rude anonymous comments on other blogs, so I expect the same thing here. I'm going to open up and share my heart. And even though I am loud, and brash, and opinionated at times, trust me, my heart is pretty darn tender. Play nicely.

There...let the therapy session begin.

Last week was one of the toughest weeks I have had in a long time. As a general rule, my life is pretty awesome. I have a fantastic family, a great set of friends, and a faith in God that has held me together. But last week really knocked me for a loop.

Some of you know that several months ago, a friend of mine, Sarah, sent me a link to the waiting children list from our home state. I had never before seen this list, so I set about looking through the information rather disconnected. It wasn't until a few children in my heart stopped. There was this beautiful girl staring back at me. Her heart was broken, I could read it in her eyes. Her shortened bio gave nothing but some basics about her favorite foods and what she liked to do. I read the five or six sentences about her, and clicked on. I skimmed several other pictures and bios before being drawn back to hers. We'll call her "B" for beautiful.

Well, after several minutes of exploring the site, I emailed B's bio to Tony. Just a fluke. I've done this many times before. However, this one was different. Tony replied to me and said, "Hmm, I wonder what her story is." My heart leaped. He wants to know more? He NEVER wants to know more! Then his next email said, "Um, she'll be DRIVING soon!" Yes, my friends, B was 15.

Bigger than the fact that she was 15 was that Tony, the love of my life, didn't freak out! He was interested in knowing more. He wanted to know how a teen could end up in a situation where no one wanted her. He wanted to know if she even wanted a family. He wanted to know the logistics of how this "foster care" program worked. So he set out to find out. Several emails later (even one to the Governor's office) we were able to get into contact with a case worker from our area.

Mind you, I had no idea this would even go that far, but since Tony said the most we would be out was time, I knew this had to be God-driven. Tony's way too cautious. God was here in this.

After much prayer and discussion, we agreed to meet with the case worker to see what the process involved. She warned us several times that the bios we see are merely paragraphs about them socially, but there was usually much much more to their story. She gave us the paperwork (ridiculously lighter pile than China's) and we set about in prayer. I won't lie. We argued with God. We weren't planning on adding to our family for a bit. And a teenager? No way. Not us. The thought was ridiculous. Why us? Why her? Why now? Like I said, life was pretty darn near perfect!

God didn't hide from us. His answer was clear. Take the next step. Trust Him and take the next step. He never promised to show us the entire path, but the next stepping stone was always in plain view. Trust Him. Take the next step. So, we did. We filled out the paperwork and began the process to become licensed Foster Parents.

During this time, we told a few friends and our family. Telling them that we were looking at a teenager who was legally free for adoption was no small feat. Every single person we told made a new wave of nausea then peace settle over me. It was scary territory, but one we trusted God to lead us into.

We got all sorts of questions...was she abused? how'd she end up here? will she be safe? how will you pay for college? what about a car for her? how can you love her when you already have children you adore? will we have room to love her? what about therapy? do you know what you're doing?

We wrestled with every one of those thoughts. It was hard to explain to our family and friends how when God whispered those words, "Trust me" directly into our ears and hearts, rationality disappears. Of course our daughters were our first priority. We love them so much it hurts. But God planted sweet B right in our paths. How in the world could we ignore that?

Literally, everything went so smoothly it was scary. Appointments that we would need to have, were scheduled months before we knew we'd need them. People were put in our paths that we had no idea we'd need for support (Both Beths!) This was God's story playing out before our eyes.

During the wait, the only thing Tony kept questioning was, "What if she doesn't even want a family? She is so close to aging out, what if she just wants to finish where's she has started and move on?" This was a reality because during this time B had turned 16. Only two more years and she would age out. Well, God heard Tony's cries and answered more plainly than I had ever seen before.

One day while I was checking the waiting children site, I found where a video had been posted of B. In her video, she was so tender hearted and nervous. But her underlying message was very very clear. All she wanted in life was a family to love her. She longed for a family. How's that for an answer to prayer? Yes, other children had said that in their videos, but none were as heartfelt as B's. She looked directly into the camera and said, "I want a family."

Fast forward a few months of appointments, meetings, trainings, workshops and you would find that we are officially licensed foster parents. YAY! It also meant that we would soon be allowed to read a larger biography and history on this child we had prayed for as a family for so long. We received our password a week ago Saturday, May 30. I was hesitant to jump online and read about her right before church, but Tony insisted. He needed to know.

------------
Wow. This is a long post. I hate to do this, but it's 1:00 in the morning. I have to get up to go to work tomorrow (my two week summer job) so I better get some rest. I promise I'll post again tomorrow (or tomorrow night). My therapy session is nowhere near being completed.

A Language All Their Own

They say twins have their own language. We agree. Sometimes, the girls get on a rip and Tony and I look at each other like, wow, what was that? But they totally respond to each other and move on. Twinspeak.

However, when you're three you also have your own language. I'll translate.

Slip Slops=flip flops

Slinkley=slinky

You, You, Get My Foood=Lou, Lou, Skip to My Lou

This was all just this morning. But there are more...I'll update as I hear them.

Memorial Box Monday

Gorgeous tree in our front yard a few weeks ago. It's all red now....

Ok, the title is deceiving. I am not doing a Memorial Box Monday post...I'm doing a MAN I'M GLAD SCHOOL IS OUT FOR THE SUMMER, MONDAY post!

WHOO HOO!!!!

There is going to be big fun in our house this summer! I just LOVE being home with the girls, and as soon as this stinkin' class I'm taking is done (coincidentally on my birthday-what a gift!) then we will have tons of fun!!!

Thought I'd leave you with some cuteness...

The other morning, this is what I heard. "Baba, I have the remote. You wanna watch the wedder channel? I find the wedder channel for you." She has MASTERED the remote. She's also learning tons about manipulating the computer. Scary stuff!

Laney: I ate all my ice cream, but I didn't want the strawberries. They make my eyes close! (They're too tart for her liking!)

And I took the girls with me to school last week. GOODNESS they are popular among the fifth grade crowd! But let me tell you how different they are. Laney starts out shy, but warms up and loves sitting and reading with the kids (or watching a movie, or playing, etc.) But Abby is always on the go and watching what is going on. Like I said, she'll be our tech guru. When I needed the door propped open, she jumped up and ran to do it. And we're not talking about putting a wedge under the door. It's a peg that you have to step on and click to hold in place. She also figured out to to manipulate these folding chairs just to her liking.

Here's Abby chillin' with a book at the library.

Here's the cutest puppy around...Laney thought the doghouse at the children's museum was great!

Thankful Thursday

Who wouldn't be thankful for this?

Mother's Day paintings, made with love.

T-shirt inspector stickers that double as band-aids for "tend" boo-boos.

A husband and daughters that love to do yard work together.

Thank you, God. I am so blessed.

Flashback Friday...on Monday...um, yeah.

To prepare for an upcoming garage sale (WHICH, by the way, I LOVE!) I decided to pull out my big tote of purses and sort through them. It wasn't hard to decide which ones to sell, and which ones to keep. Some were circa 1994. Wow. Yeah, I should part with those things more often!

I'm not sure what you do, but when I switch purses, I tend to only move over the "necessities" and plan on moving the other junk over at a later time. Yeah, well, that later time never shows up on my clock, so everything just stays in those purses. I started piling up all this stuff, and MAN! Talk about a time capsule! Who needs pictures? I have purses to provide more than enough memories and timelines! I cannot believe I'm going to show you this, but remember this pile developed after emptying about 10 purses! YIKES!

1. Tattoo ointment in a baggie Um, 7-10 years ago--ew!

2. Thank you card for good friend who arranged a bachelor party canoe trip for Tony. Yeah, over 10 years ago! Oh, and we obviously never sent it, but thanks BILL! He had a great time!

3. Floppy disk. Need I say more?

4. Big toothed comb for when I had big curly hair. Yeah. Yikes.

5. Disposable toilet seat covers. Ok, this is the most recent item and it's still close to two years old! We bought these to take to China!

6. Ticket to Ripley's aquarium in Gatlinburg, TN. About five years ago, I'm guessing?

7. One of about 100 tampons I found in each zippered pocket in each and every purse. Could you tell I was determined to be prepared? Just wait until a future post when I explain that it was a total waste of money right there!

8. 35 mm camera film. NO IDEA where my 35 mm camera even is!

There were also miscellaneous pens, lip glosses, lotion, toe rings, doctor reminder cards, receipts, and even our engagement picture! Uugh, and plenty of mushy, damp, gross Trident gum. Yes, my gum of choice (but we love Orbit and Stride too, should one of them want to sponsor this blog!)

Here's the aerial view. The purses in the tub are being sold at the garage sale. The purses on the right will go on Craigslist or Ebay. Anyone interested in a Coach, Prada, Gucci or a floppy disk? No promises on their authenticity! Well, except the floppy disk. Trust me. It's authentic.

Memorial DAY Box Monday

The weekend in review?

Stomach virus? Check.
Shopping? Check.
Thankful for the women and men God calls to serve in the military? Check.

I am so thankful for the women, men, and their families who sacrifice so much (and have sacrificed in the past) to serve our country. Your selflessness does not go unnoticed. We love and pray for you often. Thank you so very very much.

Thankful Thursday

This will have to be short and sweet...I'm a woman on a mission.

I HAVE to say this out loud (um, or type it) because I need to be reminded of this...

• I'm THANKFUL I have a job.

• I'm THANKFUL that said job wants me to stay up-to-date on skills and teaching strategies.

• I'm THANKFUL that they require me to take additional classes (that I pay for) to learn said skills and strategies.

• I'm THANKFUL that said classes have about 35 assignments to be completed in the next three weeks, because it helps me stay focused (in other words, NO BLOG TIME FOR ME). Yes, 35 assignments, and I just started the class this Monday!
  

• I'm THANKFUL said class ends June 12--coincidentally, my birthday!

Ok, my friends. God knows my heart, so truth be told, I am truly only thankful for the first, second, and last bullet point. Was it obvious?

YOUR TURN! What are you thankful for? Come on. Let me know. I need an attitude adjustment, and you can help me! Tell me your joys!

Ok, gotta go. More work to do!

Memorial Box Monday-the chapstick

Once upon a time, there was a little girl. This little girl was blessed with a set of parents that were together and in love. She was also blessed with two sisters, and a brother whom she loved so much. This lucky girl also had four amazing grandparents. Unfortunately, the little girl only got the chance to really know two of them. One was her maternal grandfather (Grandpa Schankel) and the other, her paternal grandmother (Grandma Sadler). Both were so special. Her grandpa would always yell, "Anybody?" when coming for a visit. He gave her a harmonica and promised she talked fast enough to become an auctioneer. Her grandma was a gifted seamstress. Her home in Florida and Indiana were both so inviting, and she made delicious yeast rolls! They both loved their family deeply.

When this little girl became a teenager, her grandmother became ill. She went into the hospital for surgery in a town over 60 miles away. This teenager knew she wanted to see her grandmother before her surgery. She felt SO strongly she needed to see her that she argued with her parents when they told her she didn't need to drive all that way. She bickered and bickered with them until they agreed to let her drive as long as she took a friend. This friend was her cousin (and had even less driving experience than she did!) But the two mustered up the courage to drive to the hospital.

While there, the teen and her cousin visited with her grandmother. They ran down to the giftshop to purchase a few items to cheer her up, and a much requested chapstick because the hospital air dried out her lips. While there, the teenage girl had the chance to love on her grandmother and tell her how much she meant to her. She thanked her for making her prom dresses, miscellaneous outfits, her quilt, and special Humpty Dumpty that she loved as an infant and treasured even more now.

The teenager was able to hold her grandmother's hand and caress the aged, tired fingers. After all these years, and after all the hard work, her hands were so smooth and soft. The teen noticed how some of her fingers were identical to her grandmothers. A genetic trait she would pass on.
It was a treasured time.

The next day, the teen's grandmother did not survive surgery. It was a painful time for her entire family, but the joy in the teen's heart was immense. See, the teen knew she'd be reunited with her grandmother one day. She was a believer! And she knew that her visit the day before was the peace that she'd need during this time.

Obviously, that little girl was me. I never truly appreciated my grandparents when I was younger. I'm so thankful for that last time I got to spend with my grandmother. And I'm thankful that I have chapstick in my Memorial Box to remind me to fight for those things that are important. It also reminds me to treasure those around me, for our time here is short.

I'm doing something now that reminds me SO MUCH of my grandma. I am sewing. On Mother's Day I borrowed my mother-in-love's (great term, Linny) sewing machine determined to teach myself how to sew. Since then, I have sewn the girls each a purse and wallet, and each of them a dress. (I'll add pictures later) When the sewing machine gets humming...I see, feel, and smell my grandma. She's a part of my past that I want to incorporate into my future. I'll take a bit from each of my grandparents...and for this I'm thankful. I can't wait to share these stories with my children.

Do you have special memories of your grandparents?

Flashback Friday

I need a laugh today, so I thought I'd do my flashback Friday post and then share two conversations I had with the girls yesterday.

A loooooong time ago, I used to be in love with Michael Jackson. There, I said it. Ok, and by "in love" I mean, obsessed. I had the records (btw, my fifth graders have NO clue what records are), the Pepsi cans with his image, the parachute pants, the buttons...I even had THE GLOVE! When my niece, who is just a couple of years younger than me, and I would play, we would fight over who could pretend to be married to him! We would practice his dance moves, and scream during Thriller. Now, mind you, this was when he had his original nose, hair, and skin color. But one obsessed girl I was! (I relate it to Hannah Montana or High School Musical fanatics now, which, I just don't get!)

I even went so far as to having a Michael Jackson birthday party complete with a MJ head cake. No, not three-dimensional...Charm City Cakes wasn't around back then! Just a flat cake shaped like his head! It was totally rad!! I would rather die than show you the picture, I mean, I couldn't find the picture, so you'll just have to visualize this chubby blonde chick with a wave hairdo and pink framed unicorn glasses, sporting some denim jams and a MJ t-shirt holding up a cake. Ok, that image right there made my whole day a lot funnier!

So, my flashback friends...I give you Micael Jackson this week. Admit it...how many of you were fans? Did you sport the glove and jacket? DISH!



P.S. If he weren't such a weirdo...I'd still be in love!


OK, gotta share these before I forget...
On the way home from the sitter we were talking. It went a little something like this...
Me: Did either of you have time-outs today?
Laney: YES! Abby did because she took some of my fings. (translation: things)
Me: Oh, no! Abby, did you do that?
Abby: Yes, but Laney had a time-out too! (Notice her James Bond technique of drawing my attention elsewhere?)
Me: You did too, Laney?
Laney: NO!
Abby: Well, I member seeing her in time-out last night! (Translation: the other day)
Me: Ahh, so Laney didn't have a time-out today? Because, if not, that doesn't count.
Abby: Oh. No time-outs TODAY.

Wherein, Abby's tactic worked. I got sidetracked enough we didn't really talk about why she got in trouble. Stinker.

Ok, second conversation...last night we were all cleaning and picking up the house. For the record, the girls really do a great job at helping. They have to be redirected about 1,000 times, but they still really do help!

Me: Ok, Abby, put that on top of the toy box, please.
Abby walks over to the toy box, where for some reason a stool was sitting.
Laney: ON THE TOYBOX, ABBY! ON THE TOYBOX, ABBY! (Yes, Laney is bossy!)
Abby tosses the item on the stool, on the toy box.
Laney: ...ON THE TOYBOX, ABBY! *sigh* Or the stool, whatever.

OH MY...she sounds like me!!!

Memorial Box Monday--the girls

Click here to view these pictures larger

**Picture courtesy of A Page in Time Photography/Christy Zettel

I was thinking about how to write my Memorial Box Monday post. I have a billion ways that God has blessed our family, but I couldn't think of a symbol to represent the story for today. Then, I stumbled across this picture. Perfect. (There are other amazing pictures Christy took, but they will be used on our blog later!)

Last week, I talked about Kairos. God's quality of time. Today, in my (pretend) Memorial Box, I'm putting a picture of my daughters. Two. Twins.

Yesterday, on Mother's Day, I went through a whole gamut of emotions. I felt SO thankful and grateful for my daughters. I felt pain for those who long for kiddos and cannot have them (or just can't yet!). I wanted birthmoms to feel joy that they chose a life for their child (and their adoptive parents) if they created an adoption plan. I was just all over the place. And I also reflected on how God bumped up my life resume by giving me the title, "Mama".

Years ago, when Tony and I were first married, we didn't want kids. (Gasp, did I say that aloud?) Then, about five years into our marriage, we noticed the hole in our hearts that were kid-shaped. Then, minus one ovary later, we started our adoption journey. And this is where I want to pick up.

You see, we went from not wanting kids, to being blessed with two incredibly amazing little people that God formed in His image, and meshed into our souls. But the amazing part is, we should have NEVER received twins to begin with!

I tread here carefully. Only once in our journey were we ever attacked over our adoption and I do not want it to happen again. But, I want Abby and Laney to know that our family was not created by some fluke, or government agency...but by the divine hand of God.

Here's how it goes...

• We didn't request twins. When we first started our journey, it was a big enough leap of faith to say, "Ok God. Our daughter is in China, you say? Ok, then here I am, Lord. Send me!" (Isaiah 6:8) Especially when we didn't even want one child when we first got married! So when our homestudy agency asked if we wanted to be approved for twins, we were like, "Um, no thank you. One will keep us busy enough!" We didn't know we wanted twins, but thankfully, God did! After "The call" from our agency, we scrambled to get an addendum done. We had grown so much and KNEW these girls were meant to be ours!
  
• Ch*na has some strict financial guidelines regarding twins. The parents should be pretty financially set in order to care for two children, according to them. *cough, cough* Thank goodness we have some antiques and antique cars that helped us in this department!
• Ch*na also has a pretty strict policy that one parent should be a stay-at-home parent if twins are brought home. Well, we were not in the financial standing for one of us to stay at home full-time (and still aren't due to my shopping habit!) But somehow, that got overlooked!
• We were going the special needs route, with our agency. This was after much prayer and consideration. We felt strongly that our child would be on a list that our agency would get from Ch*na. However, our agency had NEVER received twins on their special needs list. (and they're a big agency!)

There are even more reasons we know that we serve a God who can look at a mountain and say, "MOVE!" and it does! The reasons I listed were all pretty big mountains. But our mountains, are God's speed bumps.

In June 2006, when we logged into the waiting line for our child from Ch*na, twin girls were NO WHERE on our radar. However, on August 24, 2007, when we got the call about LuLa and LuMei...nothing ever felt so right.

My heart flutters every time I think about how things could have ended up so differently had one little thing or another been any different. (Like, going to our first adoption meeting the month the girls were born, or switching to the special needs program at the precise time we did, when both girls were healthy and ready for a mommy and daddy to come get them!---KAIROS!) I am humbled to know that our God chose us to parent two of His very own. They were created to be our daughters.

So I'm tucking in this picture of our two girls. Our babies. Who share so many characterisitcs, mannerisims, and personality traits that we are dumfounded they're not biologically ours. They will forever know that we serve a God whose love picks up where our dreams leave off. That's our God. We dreamed a wonderful dream of parenthood. Thank GOD His plans are bigger than our dreams.

So, like Linny's story...although Ch*na said NO! God said YES!

Flashback Friday

On the way to school this morning, a local radio station was doing a "Flashback Friday" song. This got me thinking. How about a Flashback Friday post?

For my initial one, I'll keep it simple. It's just two words...

banana clip


Remember those? In the 80's when I had long blonde hair, I'd sweep it up in some cute, plastic, neon banana clip. Well, dare I say it? That trendy, girly, accessory store in the mall that we all love SELLS THEM NOW! My niece and I (she's just a few years younger than me) nearly DIED when we spotted them!!! Maybe they've been selling them for awhile. Who knows? I haven't been in the market for one since 1987!

How's THAT for a flashback?

Next Friday...Michael Jackson. YIKES!

***photos are from G*ogle Images...not from our family album!

Thankful Thursday

Today, I need this.

I'm thankful for whiney children. I'm thankful they grump, pout, cry, complain, sneak, and shout. Yes, you read that right. I'm thankful for all of that because that means I have children. Children who aren't afraid to express their opinions. Children who trust us enough to know that they can be their ugly selves and we'll still love them. (Kind of like our relationship with God!)

I have been blessed and challenged to raise two of God's chosen ones.

Thank you, Jesus!

Memorial Box Monday

A good friend of mine, Linny, does Memorial Box Monday posts on her blog A Place Called Simplicity. Here's how she explains it...

"The purpose of each Memorial Box Monday post is to remind myself and others of God's great faithfulness, His powerful provision and His Unexpected Gifts in each of our lives.

It is not a sign of super spirituality to have a Memorial Box. It is something that anyone who has seen God work in their lives can do. There are no rules....just sharing the story of something recent or long ago about how God showed up in your family (or just to you if you are single) to meet a need, rescue, protect, heal, or even give a surprise you didn't expect!"

So this got me thinking that I need to do a Memorial Box Monday post. But I'm overwhelmed. I mean, seriously. God has been so good. Where do I even begin? And besides that, the things I think represent or symbolize God's goodness are HUGE! They'd never fit in a cabinet! Guess I'll have to get creative! (Settle in, it's a long one)

Ok, a little lesson in language:Kairos
This word is one of the most important words to me, ever. According to Wikipedia, ancient Greeks had two words for time...chronos and kairos. Chronos means sequential time, while kairos is, "a time in between, a moment of undetermined period of time in which something special happens."

In the New Testament, kairos means "the appointed time in the purpose of God." Both definitions essentially point to time that cannot be measured. This word came to life when a good friend, and pastor shared about kairos vs. chronos one Sunday morning in church. Probably one of the most powerful sermons ever!

I have two symbols of kairos...a drawing and a watch. Let me explain the watch. Waaaay back when Tony and I got married (10 years ago) I still had to do my student teaching for school. So we were married in March, I did my student teaching that fall, graduated in December, took a teaching assistant position for the remainder of the year and then started my search for my first real teaching job. People would ask me left and right if I had any leads on a job. May passed...no luck. June...no luck. July...no luck. And then August. Never once did I freak out. (For those of you who know me, this is amazing!) I just kept telling everyone that it would work out. No worries. Just faith in God. (Tony on the other hand was a nervous wreck, I'm sure because he's the financial guy!) Just a few weeks before school started, I got a call about a position in the district I did my student teaching/teaching assistant positions in. A perfect fit! At a perfect time!

It was also during this time that I stopped wearing my watch. I can't remember what specifically led me to do it. Maybe it was a sermon. Maybe it was a story I read. I just vaguely remember someone referencing the need to look at a watch non-stop and how was that living? Truly living? And I'll admit. I would get hung up on the time surrounding the experience, and not the experience itself. Therefore, my first symbol of time, of God's timing, is a watch. But my watch is a little different. The face of the watch is covered up with black electrical tape. I don't need to focus on MY timing of things. Just God's timing. Kairos.

When Tony and I were exploring options about how to add to our family (biological, adoption, fostering) we looked into international adoption through Ch*na because the timeline looked reasonable and the program looked stable. We were told after we submitted our dossier to expect an eight to nine month wait. There were those timelines again! So we logged in and waited. And waited. And waited. Each month the finish line would be stretched out. (NOT complaining though...the wait is NOW is extreme!)

During the wait, we experienced lots of joys, friendships, trips, excitement, sadness, longing, depression, confusion, etc. God heard the cries of our hearts. He knew we wanted to be parents badly! He knew we had waited years by this point. He knew we were ready!

Well, my friends, as the saying goes...hindsight is 20/20.

During the wait, a good friend of mine, Sarah said she had a surprise for me. She said she had a vision one morning and shared that vision with a friend of ours, Shannon. She said the picture she was given was directly from God. Shannon decided to turn God's picture into a reality. Shannon sketched a beautiful picture of Jesus's hands holding a baby and had it framed. This is the picture you see at the top of the post. It's gorgeous and now hangs in our hallway! They gave that picture to us during one of our lowest lows, and I bawled while accepting it. There was God...my Father...holding my baby. So safe. So loved. Kairos. HIS timeline. Not mine.

Fast forward. I have looked at that picture a thousand times. While we continuted to wait, I would pray for my baby (didn't know about twins at the time) every time I passed it! I would look at it with joy, and thanksgiving, and with longing. Once the girls came home, it continued to hang in our hall. I still looked at it each time I went into our room, or the nursery, but never gave it much thought...until one day. I stopped to look at it again. As I was examining it, I looked at Shannon's signature. Then I looked at the date. I know I gasped outloud when I read it. Shannon had drawn that picture the month our girls were born. Upon further investigation, it was discovered that Shannon had drawn that image the WEEK the girls were born. Did you read that, my friends? The same week. I cried all over again a whole new set of tears. My God loved me enough to send my friends this picture of Him holding my baby.

I know you're wondering, baby? But don't you have twins? Yes, I do. But I believe wholeheartedly that the picture God gave Sarah is of him holding Abby. You see...not long after she was born, she got very very sick. Very sick. Like a "praise Jesus she's with us and not with Him" sick. And little did I know that during that time, God was nestling our baby Abby in His arms.

Kairos. QUALITY of time, not QUANTITY of time. I know it's easy to tell someone, "It's all in God's hands." or "It's His plan." or "In His time." But you know what. It's the truth.

WOW

Doing a quick blog walk through some blogs that I follow, I stumbled upon this amazing story!

Read about how God brought a family their daughter from Ch*na (a 13 year old nonetheless), but had more in store for them than they could imagine! Click HERE.

Help them out if you are able!