Update

Hello all!

First, thank you to everyone for your thoughts and prayers for Rett. We know they worked!

Her proceedure went well.

Rett is sleeping soundly right now. I just left her about 1.5 hours ago (12:37 AM at the moment).

Needless to say, she feels like she "has been hit by a truck" (her words).

Tomorrow (and the following days) will be rough. She will really need your prayers as recovery begins.

I will try to post nightly to keep you posted. You know she will post and provide her thoughts when she gets to feeling better.

Thanks again to everone!

Tony

'Twas the Night Before Surgery

'Twas the night before my hysterectomy and all through the hotel,
Not a creature was stirring, other than my bowels, eerr, well

The twins were all snuggled all deep in their pull-out bed,
With the hopes of more fun dancing in their head.

A bit of shopping and nice dinner and an awesome suite to boot,
They thought they had died and gone to Heaven, with all of their loot.

When over in the bathroom, there arose such a clatter.
Tony sprang from his down bed to see what was the matter!
When what to his wandering ears should he hear
The surgery preparations were happening quite near (I know, TMI!)

Rett dreamed of the surgeon with his green little hat,
and matching green suit, and a bow tie-imagine that!

His nurses and tools a plenty,
Starting the operation game,
He whistled, and shouted, and called them by name...

Now, uterus, now, tubes, now lymph nodes and such!
Now ovary, only one? That doesn't matter much!

His eyes, how they glistened,
His hands at the ready.
A belly like jelly,
but hands oh so steady!

Rett's dream shortly ended,
a content sigh of relief.
The prayers they were felt, and
offered great peace.

She beamed with joy at her friends,
and showed her family much love.
The support she had now,
could only be a gift from above.

She thanked God for His truth,
for his love, and his gifts.
Then peacefully, slumber came
and asleep she did drift.

Happy Hysterectomy to all, and to all a good night!

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I want to thank everyone for their thoughtfulness, prayers, meal offers, and love. It humbles me beyond words. (Well, sort of...I'm usually never short of words!) Please continue to lift Tony and the girls up. They will be doing the most work, I think. They'll have to deal with one hormonal lady. Hopefully, Tony will shoot out a message so that everyone knows when I'm in the clear! Thanks again, my friends and family. I'd be lost without you!

P.S. In church last night, we sang a song that hit me like a ton of bricks. The lyrics go, "You make everything glorious...and I am Yours! What does that make me?" I immediately thought that, you know, God DID make me! In His image! And uterus or not. Bio babies or not. He made me glorious and for His purpose. And I'm taking ownership of that. I love it. Peace is mine!

WHEW!

OK, I have been totally MIA...I know. And I'm sorry. No, wait. No, I'm not sorry...really.. :) We have been on VACATION! And after all that uterus talk, trust me, you NEEDED me to be on vacation! hehehe.

Too tired to upload pics tonight, but we had a fun trip. Rundown goes like this...

For my parents' 70th birthdays (don't shoot me for telling that, mom!) in June, my family decided we'd all bond and take a trip to Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg, TN. HELLO tourist city! But man, we had so much fun!

Friday, Saturday, Sunday we spent with my family (nieces, nephews, sisters, brother, parents, great-nieces and nephews). We splashed and played in the pool, we ate, we teased, we shopped, we laughed, we cried. It was just awesome. The best part was seeing my parents so happy just to watch us be a family! Then, sadly, most of them left on Sunday and we stayed on at the cabin we always stay at. (I'm sure the next post Tony does with pictures will include the cabin and the website...but I'm too lazy to look right now).

Anyway, this cabin is special to us. This year made our fourth year there and every year we envisioned bringing our kid(s) to it. So it was neat to share the cabin with them. They LOVED it! They could play for hours with the black bears and plastic apples the cabin owners used as decorations! They didn't want to leave today! They did NOT, however, love the ride to and from the cabin. Every time we would go up or down the mountain, we'd hear, "My tummy hurts!" or "My head hurts!" Uugh, motion sickness.

Today, we took our final trip down the mountain and being the smart mommy that I am, thought, "Hmmm, suckers, candy, and toys were not enough of a distraction while traveling. Let's try a movie! We'll turn the DVD player on and see if that distracts them enough to get them down the mountain!" WORKED like a CHARM! That is, until we went to a neighboring city to shop at a T*rget and promptly upon entering the store, Abby threw up all over me. Ewww..but she instantly felt better and began singing all about it in the restroom!

So beyond that, it was great. We did some shopping...and by some...I mean a TON of shopping. Didn't necessarily buy a ton...but had fun looking! We drove to Gatlinburg and did more shopping. We ate ourselves silly and had junk for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. We attempted to play putt-putt for the first time with the girls. Yeah, that'll get its own explanation! And just really spent time hanging out together and enjoying each other's company. It was one of the best vacay's I've ever had. (Minus the two baby turtles we had die while we were gone...SO SAD!)

It helped that we had a great housesitter, Beth. She was here when we went to China and helped us again! She just rocks! (Just don't ask her to turtle sit...KIDDING!)

*sigh* so it's late...and I should be unpacking...but I'm not. I'm going to get going though. We'll be back with a better post AND pictures! Hopefully in the next day or two, since the the big Hysto is scheduled for Monday!

G'night from home! There's no place like it!

Just Nice

OK...uterus, shmooterus. Let's move on, shall we?

Two very nice things happened today! First, a sweet, sweet bloggy friend gave me a blog award!

Now I need to drum up my 15 winners and pass out their awards...alas...another day. But THANK YOU Adeye!!!! You should definitely check out her blog! She is an amazing God-filled woman with some pretty amazing children!

The second great thing was that for the second (maybe third) time in my life, I got a pedicure! My sister, nieces, my girlies and I loaded up and went to a local beauty school (think hard working, but oh-so-affordable students!) to get pedis done! I took the girls and my sister was gracious enough to keep an eye on them while they got their nails and toes painted too!

I gave up all control and let them pick their own color. YIKES! Laney chose blue...sparkly blue. WOW. And Abby chose purple...a dark rich purple....until the nail tech decided she needed white tips, french manicure style. YUCK! She loves them though, so I'm keeping my opinion to myself and praying they "chip" so much I have to repaint them soon. At least their toes are adorable in those fun colors! Me? I chose a plain french manicure for the piggies. LOVE it.

Here's Abby. She's ultra serious about this manicure business!

The guy that did the pedi was so great! I was a bit nervous at first, but oh man...my nerves melted right away...it felt SO good! I could have fallen right asleep! It was an hour of massaging, kneading, and painting...all for $10. Yes, you read that right! Support those local beauty schools! They need the clients and the practice, and I need the affordable pampering!!!

It's blurry because it's from my phone, but here is Laney getting the Oh SO blue applied!

Anyway, just had to share the fun day we had. I needed some joy and the girls LOVED the girlie day! We went to lunch afterwards and now they're napping wonderfully! Sounds like I better get something productive done. We're headed for vacay on Friday and I'm LIVING for it!

HORRIBLE picture, but wanted to give you the idea!

I hope you're having a pretty toe, relaxed calf muscles, pampered heels kind of day! I know I am!!!

Happy Baba's Day!!!

I just wanted to take a minute to brag about my husband. If you're not one for sappy posts, or don't want to read me brag, it's ok. Head on to your next destination. It's not going to stop me!

Right now, my wonderful husband is upstairs mopping the kitchen. Yes, it's 9:45 on Father's Day and he's mopping the kitchen. We have house guests coming tomorrow so we decided we'd get the house in order and "camp out" in the basement to keep it clean (remember, the twinados live here). So we agreed after baths tonight, I'd bring the girls downstairs and set up camp. He'd finish cleaning the kitchen and mop. Goodness, I'm blessed.

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Tony, you are an amazing husband, friend, son, and father. I knew from our first date on that you would make a wonderful husband. I, however, had no clue what an amazing dad you would be. You went from being nervous around little ones, to grinning from ear-to-ear and waving at a toddler across a restaurant who is seeking attention. You went from saying, "NO WAY" to kiddos, to opening your home and heart to two little girls from across an ocean.

Your heart is so tender. I am seriously giddy with how God has grown you and challenged you to be a voice for the orphan. These are the kids that no one hears, so you promise to shout for them. I know it can be scary, but I'm excited to see how God will use you in the future when it comes to kids. I'm not saying we'll have a brood of children, but He will stretch you to use your gifts for the fatherless. I know it. I feel it. I pray for it.

Thank you so much for providing a secure, loving home. You take care of us so well. You provide for us spiritually, financially, and emotionally. You work hard and are a true man of integrity. You mow, clean, launder, laugh, play, chase, teach, pay, organize, plan, love, kiss, hug, encourage, challenge, balance, work, fix, and pray for and with your family with 100% of your being. You balance me in more ways than you even know.

Our girls are so very blessed to have you as their Baba. I saw you sitting in that cold room in China as nervous as could be almost two years ago. I saw you sit with anticipation and wonder when our daughters came into the room. And I saw you instantly go from man, to Baba, the instant a crying LaLa was placed in your arms. You physically changed in front of my eyes. You instantly became Baba, the protector. And you haven't stopped.

In China...the moment Tony became Baba...

I love you with everything in me. Thank you for all you do for our family. You amaze me. Happy Baba's Day!

Sporting their Life Is Good shirts...and oh baby, life IS good!

P.S. I have a WONDERFUL daddy as well! I want to do a post about my great parents and I will soon because their anniversary is coming up. But for today, I want to say HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to my dad, Bill. Dad, thank you SO much for everything you are and for all you have taught me. I love you SO much.

Therapy Part 4-For Real

OK, so I hope the girls don't wake up from naps yet. I want to get this post done before we do our Father's Day presents this afternoon!

So, let's see, I left off spilling my guts to the world that we followed God's lead about a potential foster daughter, grieved that loss when it wasn't meant to be, got sunburned beyond words, and found out I have to have a hysterectomy...and that all happened in one week.

Since then, I have been teaching at my summer job which is a two week safety course with five year olds. That is a SLIGHT change from the usual fifth graders I teach! It is only half days and I work with a fire chief, and some police officers that make it all worth it. To see grown men in uniform sing, "The Wheels on the Bus" is just priceless! And those kiddos sure do learn something!!! I was lucky this time too, because Sarah's little cutie Amaya was in my class, as well as another friend's daughter and son! It was a fun, tiring, long, hysterical couple of weeks! The money pays for our vacation and the laughs are endless.

To celebrate, I picked up the girls today from their last day at the sitter (*sobs* she was wonderful) and went straight to Dairy Queen (local ice cream shop). In the 90 degree heat I ordered them big ice cream cones and let them eat and drip and get it all down their faces, hands, arms, dresses, and shoes. When Tony surprised us by showing up there, he was shocked I let them do that. I figured, what the heck. It's hot. My last day. And my girls deserved a big ole cone of delicious sugar! YUM!

In the evenings we have been doing house projects to get ready for some good friends to come and stay with us a couple of days. Nothing like house guests to light a fire on getting housework done! They'll be here Monday through Wednesday, then on Friday we leave for vacation!!! Then it's back home for a couple of days, surgery, healing, and hopefully a few more house guests!

Speaking of the surgery...I've been going through a whole denial, embrace, face head-on, play ostrich, cry, shout, plead, ache, laugh thing over it. Yeah. I'm a woman. I have emotions. I'm hormonal. If I'm all over the map about this now, imagine what the hormone situation will be AFTER the surgery? YIKES! Pray for Tony!

I like to think that I'm usually a positive person. I mean, I look for the good in situations. When someone cuts me off while driving, I usually grumble at first, but then send a prayer up because maybe they're in a rush due to a loved one's need. Or if someone knocks into me at the store with out saying an apology, I assume they're having a rough day and are just on a mission. I know that's not exactly positive, but I try to give them the benefit of the doubt.

This surgery is no different. I have thought all of the same things you all have been saying. I'll try to give both sides...let's see:

Negative: UUGH, surgery? Pain and healing for weeks!
Positive: Someone else gets to cook dinner and wait on ME!

Negative: Surgery right after vacation?
Positive: My house won't be dirty because no one will be home (except our house sitter and friend) to mess it up!

Negative: You can't lift the girls for a while.
Positive: They can crawl in bed and snuggle with me to watch TV and read (WHICH, happens to be their favorite activity)

Negative: No biological babies. Ever.
Positive: No more periods. Ever.

Negative: Our genetics will not get passed on.
Positive: Our genetics (and allergies) will not get passed on.

Oh, trust me. There are some negatives I can't quite find the positive spin for yet. But I will. In due time. I'm gonna share some personal turmoil here. Let me know if you've ever felt the same (if this applies to you). I'm wrestling with two emotions/thoughts mostly.

1. I feel like a failure.

I know that it's really not my fault. I mean, in the core of me, I know it's not. But I can't help but wonder...if I had lost weight..would that have helped? *shrugs* who knows. But, I do feel like a failure. My body was designed to do one thing...carry a baby. No, it's not the most important thing to me in the world and I can't count how many people have said, "But you have two beautiful babies." I do. I'm not denying that. I would give up any organ necessary to have my daughters. They are my life. They couldn't be more MY children if I had birthed them myself. But regardless of that, it's something in a woman's psyche, I think. Having bio kids was never an important factor in my life, but when you're told you can't...well, it sort of hits you. The one thing my body was designed to do, can't do it. There's no pretty way to put it. It just sucks. I guess in the back of my mind I always thought, "Well, if we decide to have bio kids, we will!" I feel like I have let Tony down. He will NEVER admit that I have, though. He has been the most wonderful thing ever throughout all of this. But I can't help that feeling. We will never have a little strawberry blonde haired, blue eyed, fair skinned little person running around that carries on his genetics. Mine, I don't care so much about...but his I do.

Even as I'm typing this, I start thinking about how much our almond shaped eyed, brown haired, olive skinned beauties carry so much of us in them though. They might not LOOK like us (which Tony begs to differ....hhehehe) but oh man. There is no denying they are our children. The looks they shoot. The phrases they use. The mannerisms they exhibit. They SCREAM Rett and Tony. It's such a God thing. They don't have our DNA, but oh baby, they are us. So see...there's the positive. It's just that the sadness of not being ABLE to carry a baby, still has a little tiny cobwebbed corner of my heart. Eventually it will get cleaned out and heal. But for now, it's still there.


2. The second thought that keeps nagging at me is a bit crude. Sorry. Men and women are separated by only a few things. Reproductive organs, boobs, and a vagina (which is really all part of the same system.) Therefore, when the doctors take out my remaining ovary and uterus, all I have that men do not are boobs and a vagina. This is where I get ticked. In this sinful world we live in, it is NOW POSSIBLE for men to get boobs and a vagina!!!!!! SO where does that leave me???? Will I feel like less of a woman? Maybe. But that's where I'm hoping hormones help! Hehehe...but it's frustrating. I have a feeling that a shopping trip designed to buy girlie things will be happening once I'm on the mend! Look out, Tony!

Ahh...so there. I have more thoughts on the topic...but they'll develop the closer to surgery I get. Plus, this is yet ANOTHER long post without pictures. Should I drum up one of a uterus? How about an ovary? Boobs? Naah. I'll save that one for later. Hmmm, I wonder if the surgeon would be willing to take a picture of my uterus for the blog? Sheesh, the amount I'm paying him, I should at least get a picture right? I might just ask! HA!

Thanks for listening and hanging with me, my friends. I just skirt the edge of being brutally honest about my emotions on this topic, and censoring some. It's just a tough spot. But I'm so beyond blessed and I am going to choose to see the positive. However, if you happen to catch me when my hormones are out of whack and I think I hear my uterus yowling about having a baby...humor me. I know I have beautiful kids. I know I won't ever have to wear a tampon again. I know that birth control will be an issue of the past. But it doesn't mean that my heart doesn't ache just a little. Be patient. I'll heal.

Therapy Part 4

I haven't forgotten you...Life has just been nuts!

PLEASE stick with me!!!