Monday, March 02, 2009

I Am Your Daughter.'s late. It's about 11:30, and my house is quiet. Well, all except for the clock ticking, the girls' lullaby music playing softly, and Linny's playlist from her blog, as I type. Today wasn't a particularly stressful day. It wasn't particularly tiring. It wasn't specifically reflective. But, as I settled into bed with Tony, I couldn't shut my mind off. I just couldn't relax and sleep. Do you ever have those nights?

Honestly, I used to have more of these kind of nights before the girls came home. I would lie awake and dream about what life would be like as a mother. And before that, I would lie awake and wonder what it would be like to be a wife...Tony's wife. All wonderfully blissful things came to mind. But with that bliss brought insomnia. I never was one to drift off with dreams of sugarplums. If I think about the joy going on in my life (or life to come) I get a good dose of adrenaline...and I always turn to writing. Well, these experiences are fewer and fewer now. No, not because I'm not experiencing me, my cup runneth over. It's just that after a long day at work, and time with the girls at night, I fall into bed exhausted. I haven't needed the sandman for a long time!

So where does that leave me? In the living room...typing. Talking to you. And to God. And to myself. Heheh.

It has been a long time since I've simply taken a few moments to relish in God's grace on my life. On me. Now, Tony and I try our best to update the blog with weekly quips and hilarity the girls impress us with, but it has been a while since I've gotten truly emotional. (For those of you who know me, you know I am one emotional chickadee!) Well, I've had this post building for a humor me.

The girls had a great day today. They had ZERO time outs at our good friend, and their sitter, Theresa's house. She said they were good all day! When I picked them up, it was like seeing them recharged my batteries. (Now, mind you, there are nights that I'm too exhausted to enjoy's not always sunshine and roses.) I mean it. We had a great talk on the way home about the clouds, their Baba, airplanes, China, dinner, birds, the semi-truck next to us, etc. And the rest of the night continued so well. We did beauty shop, played, read, sang, danced, bathed, they ate dinner well, and went to bed without a fuss.

But I had a moment with them. You know that moment. It's that one minute of time you wish you could freeze forever in your mind. I had both girls curled up in my lap while we were sitting on the floor. They said they were both babies and wanted to suck their thumbs. Well, this game made them giggle hysterically when I would tell them they weren't babies and would try to pull their thumbs out. They both were so carefree and just joyous.

After a particularly funny episode of this game, they both settled down and looked at me. I told them that they would always be my babies. I would love them forever. Abby looked at me and told me she loved me and kissed my arm. This prompted Laney to do the same. (Which is big, because Laney is becoming so affectionate too! I love it!) Then Abby said, " I am your daughter." (We've been working on this because she used to ask if she were my mama, like I was hers.) And I said, "Yes, Abby. You are my daughter, and I am your Mama." She snuggled in deeper and said, "Baba is my daddy and Mei-Mei is my sister." I agreed with her and she seemed just perfectly content. Of course Laney had to confirm it all, just to be sure, that she, too, was my daughter. Seriously, it was pure bliss.

Did you see it? Look again. It all comes down to that end mark. The punctuation after Abby's comment. It's a period. Not a question mark. Seriously, look again. "I am your daughter." She said it as a statement of fact. It wasn't a question in her mind at all. She has been declaring this for several days. Many times a day she will smile at me, or Tony, and say, "I am your daughter." Yes, my love. You are my daughter. How powerful that period is!!!!

And so, as I sit here in tears relishing in the perfect evening we had tonight, I think once again of God's grace. How in the world am I worthy of a God who heals, refreshes, forgives, challenges, grants, loves, adores, showers, raises, praises, saves, seeks, teaches, scolds, blesses us? It's by his grace. His blood. Without this, I would not be able to snuggle deep in His arms and say those same, innocent, powerful words that my Abby said.

"I am your daughter."

Wow. I am so thankful to be a part of God's family. I am so thankful that He deemed Tony and me worthy enough to raise two of His beautiful creations. Thankful doesn't describe the joy, the ache, the adrenaline I feel when I say those words...I am your daughter.

I am your daughter.



Chris and Sarah said...

OK it's not even 6 in the morning yet (up with Jaxson) and you have me in tears already.

Jaime said...

thank you for mentioning that this was going to be an emotional blog. and next time i read that, i will bypass it and put it on my list of things to do when i get home, because i'm tired of crying at work.
i love those days, where a memory is burned into your heart by the sweetness, innocence and love form our children... the children that we dreamt of gaining through the love of God.
amazingly beautiful.

Anonymous said...


IzzyBeth said...

And your book is coming out when? ;-) Great post. And yes, I'm crying too!

Anonymous said...

We thank you God for blessing Tony and Rett with not just one daughter but two daughters.
What a blessing they are to all of us!

Anonymous said...

OK! If I didn't have a room full of 5th graders, I would cry!!!!!

How precious those memories will be, enjoy them everyday. I know you don't need reminded, but I think I do. I take my boys for granted to much, and you make me want to be a better parent!

Thanks for reminding me of how grateful I am to have wonderful boys! :)


Joyful Mom said...

Oh my goodness---what a wonderful post! I have chills all over---thank you for ministering to my heart this morning. It is just what I needed to hear.

Love and hugs