Therapy--Part 1

If this blog were a piece of paper, it would have been written on, erased, written on, erased, scribbled out, and then wadded up and thrown in the trash. Although I know I NEED to write this post, I just don't even know where to begin.

I guess before I dive in, I want to preface this by saying the post will probably be long. And I have to make a disclaimer...I am the author of this post. If you disagree with something I say, or an action I (or we) took, that's perfectly fine. What is NOT fine is slamming me in a comment. I don't expect you to always agree with me, but I do expect respect. I never leave rude anonymous comments on other blogs, so I expect the same thing here. I'm going to open up and share my heart. And even though I am loud, and brash, and opinionated at times, trust me, my heart is pretty darn tender. Play nicely.

There...let the therapy session begin.

Last week was one of the toughest weeks I have had in a long time. As a general rule, my life is pretty awesome. I have a fantastic family, a great set of friends, and a faith in God that has held me together. But last week really knocked me for a loop.

Some of you know that several months ago, a friend of mine, Sarah, sent me a link to the waiting children list from our home state. I had never before seen this list, so I set about looking through the information rather disconnected. It wasn't until a few children in my heart stopped. There was this beautiful girl staring back at me. Her heart was broken, I could read it in her eyes. Her shortened bio gave nothing but some basics about her favorite foods and what she liked to do. I read the five or six sentences about her, and clicked on. I skimmed several other pictures and bios before being drawn back to hers. We'll call her "B" for beautiful.

Well, after several minutes of exploring the site, I emailed B's bio to Tony. Just a fluke. I've done this many times before. However, this one was different. Tony replied to me and said, "Hmm, I wonder what her story is." My heart leaped. He wants to know more? He NEVER wants to know more! Then his next email said, "Um, she'll be DRIVING soon!" Yes, my friends, B was 15.

Bigger than the fact that she was 15 was that Tony, the love of my life, didn't freak out! He was interested in knowing more. He wanted to know how a teen could end up in a situation where no one wanted her. He wanted to know if she even wanted a family. He wanted to know the logistics of how this "foster care" program worked. So he set out to find out. Several emails later (even one to the Governor's office) we were able to get into contact with a case worker from our area.

Mind you, I had no idea this would even go that far, but since Tony said the most we would be out was time, I knew this had to be God-driven. Tony's way too cautious. God was here in this.

After much prayer and discussion, we agreed to meet with the case worker to see what the process involved. She warned us several times that the bios we see are merely paragraphs about them socially, but there was usually much much more to their story. She gave us the paperwork (ridiculously lighter pile than China's) and we set about in prayer. I won't lie. We argued with God. We weren't planning on adding to our family for a bit. And a teenager? No way. Not us. The thought was ridiculous. Why us? Why her? Why now? Like I said, life was pretty darn near perfect!

God didn't hide from us. His answer was clear. Take the next step. Trust Him and take the next step. He never promised to show us the entire path, but the next stepping stone was always in plain view. Trust Him. Take the next step. So, we did. We filled out the paperwork and began the process to become licensed Foster Parents.

During this time, we told a few friends and our family. Telling them that we were looking at a teenager who was legally free for adoption was no small feat. Every single person we told made a new wave of nausea then peace settle over me. It was scary territory, but one we trusted God to lead us into.

We got all sorts of questions...was she abused? how'd she end up here? will she be safe? how will you pay for college? what about a car for her? how can you love her when you already have children you adore? will we have room to love her? what about therapy? do you know what you're doing?

We wrestled with every one of those thoughts. It was hard to explain to our family and friends how when God whispered those words, "Trust me" directly into our ears and hearts, rationality disappears. Of course our daughters were our first priority. We love them so much it hurts. But God planted sweet B right in our paths. How in the world could we ignore that?

Literally, everything went so smoothly it was scary. Appointments that we would need to have, were scheduled months before we knew we'd need them. People were put in our paths that we had no idea we'd need for support (Both Beths!) This was God's story playing out before our eyes.

During the wait, the only thing Tony kept questioning was, "What if she doesn't even want a family? She is so close to aging out, what if she just wants to finish where's she has started and move on?" This was a reality because during this time B had turned 16. Only two more years and she would age out. Well, God heard Tony's cries and answered more plainly than I had ever seen before.

One day while I was checking the waiting children site, I found where a video had been posted of B. In her video, she was so tender hearted and nervous. But her underlying message was very very clear. All she wanted in life was a family to love her. She longed for a family. How's that for an answer to prayer? Yes, other children had said that in their videos, but none were as heartfelt as B's. She looked directly into the camera and said, "I want a family."

Fast forward a few months of appointments, meetings, trainings, workshops and you would find that we are officially licensed foster parents. YAY! It also meant that we would soon be allowed to read a larger biography and history on this child we had prayed for as a family for so long. We received our password a week ago Saturday, May 30. I was hesitant to jump online and read about her right before church, but Tony insisted. He needed to know.

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Wow. This is a long post. I hate to do this, but it's 1:00 in the morning. I have to get up to go to work tomorrow (my two week summer job) so I better get some rest. I promise I'll post again tomorrow (or tomorrow night). My therapy session is nowhere near being completed.