Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Therapy Part 3

OK, ok, so gyn oncologist. But before I get to that, I have to say thank you for the comments, support, and prayer. It has been crucial. We HAVE felt them. As for the B situation, I feel peace. A deep sadness for her, but a peace about the decision. That is thanks to you and your prayers.

I also want to be clear that although I don't know the end of B's story, or our story as far as growing our family, I do know one thing to be true. We serve a mighty God who knows our thoughts before we speak them, every hair on our head, and the farthest corners of our hearts. I do not for one second believe our journey to B was a wasted trip. We met some amazing people who are dedicated to babies (and older children and teens, yippee!) in the foster system. They are determined to provide a safe haven, if only for a day or two. I admire them. I admire their bravery. They are not ever going to have to look back on their lives and say, "Oh, we could have. I wish we would have." They did. They ARE the hands and feet of Jesus.

Tony and I have grown so much through this too. Our rationale about life and family was challenged and we grew. We grew spiritually. And friends, I cannot explain the joy that comes from being obedient. MAN, what a rush Peter must have had when he stepped out of that boat! We had that same rush. And I'm riding that same high! I LOVE following His commands. This was a particularly scary one, but we did it. And we did it with praise, and trust, and love. And would I do it again? OH YEAH! Which is scary. Because I 100% believe that He'll be calling on us again soon. Until then, I'll just continue to thank him for choosing us!

Which leads me onto the next part of my therapy. The oncologist post. For those who do not know, four years ago this week I had my right ovary and some lymph nodes removed. I had some weird hormone producing cyst/tumor things that were growing in/on/around my ovary, so my doctors felt it was best to just get it out of there! I agreed. They did not touch my left ovary because it was healthy, and in case we wanted to continue to try and have biological children. I was never diagnosed with cancer, WHOO HOO GOD!

Well, at the point of the surgery, we started thinking about the importance of growing our family. Biology wasn't important, even though it was still possible for us. We CHOSE adoption. (It's at this point, I can see God giggling to himself thinking how He knew the rest of that story and the joy he had in store for us). Surgery was in June, healed, started school, and then signed on for adoption through Ch*na in January of 06.

Blah, blah, blah...years pass and we are blessed with our twin daughters. Blessed doesn't even come close to an accurate word to describe how we feel about them. But I think you get the idea. Anyway, I started having some weird symptoms again (if you want those symptoms, email me...I'm already sharing TMI, I'm sure). So for the past, oh, six months I've been to the doctor, doing thousands of dollars in blood work, having ultrasounds, etc to find out...yep, you guessed it. They discovered a lovely little cyst on my left ovary.

So last Thursday, I ventured to a new gyn onc. (mine from the first surgery had moved to over three hours away). The entire staff was nice. From the front desk girl, to the resident doctor, even down to the girl who took my weight and blood pressure. Which my weight alone, can cause an entirely different therapy session!

I met with the doctor, who was a nice middle aged man in a bow tie. He came in and sat with Tony and me in the exam room. He hopped up on the exam table like a champ and leaned in to talk. In his professional opinion, and with my history, he said to go in and get it out. He said I would go ahead and have the total abdominal hysterectomy.

You know, I went into this appointment believing I would come out with him saying that exact same thing. My gut told me that's what I'd have to do. I had mentally prepared for it. Or, so I thought. But after he walked out and shut the door, I lost it. I cried and cried. My heart still aches. And bless that surgery scheduling nurse. She gave me a few minutes to pull myself together before she came to take me to the conference room. And even then, she reassured me she had a new box of tissues waiting on me in there.

It's weird. Big news like this does a number on one's psyche. But I'll save that one for my next post called, WHY HYSTERECTOMIES INHALE WITH GREAT FORCE! (aka, suck) I'll tell you how great Tony was during the whole ordeal. And I'll share my psycho perspective on all of this. Trust me. In that post, you'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll cringe. And I will have done my job.

Any thoughts/questions/comments, please share! And I'll be looking for your opinions, suggestions, and experiences after my next post too. I'll need group support, I'm sure!

Ok, my friends. I'm going to go spend time with my husband. My tanning bed burns are healed enough that I can snuggle once again! It has been too funny because the girls touch my arms and ask, "Does that hurt?" And my cheeks, "How about there?" They're ready for me to be better too!

Have a good night. And once again, thank you for being so supportive!

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13 comments:

Lauren said...

Rett, I cannot believe all that you have been through over the past few weeks/days, but know that you are always in my thoughts and prayers! What God does in your life has a greater impact than you know! I will always be grateful that He brought you into my life and that He continually challenges my perspective through your experiences of joy and pain. Please know that those who love you in this life are praying on you behalf for God's will to always be done. Love you!

Lauren said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sarah Dawn said...

Delighted to meet you. Just found your blog via a friend. Your blog title grabbed my attention, and your story touched my heart. We have just begun our adoption process to bring home two little ones. Oh what joy, thanks for sharing with us.

Hugs from this missionary mommy,
Sarah Dawn

IzzyBeth said...

God has wondrous things in store for you, I know it. :-)

We are praying.

Anonymous said...

DEAR RETT.....JUST KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS AND YOU MAKE MY HEART HAPPY.GOD BLESS AND PRAYERS BE WITH YOU. LOVE MOM

Tony said...

Rett, Wow. We're praying for you! We love you guys!

Anonymous said...

We are here for you and continue in prayer! God works in mysterious ways.
Mimi

Anonymous said...

We are here for you and continue to pray for you. God works in mysterious ways!!
Mimi

April Isaacs said...

WOW!! Where in the world have I been? I don't even know what to say.

Rett, I love it that you are Tony were obedient even though it scared you to death. I love that your eyes were opened to these children that I didn't know about either. And, you have already fought for them. People read your blog and those people will tell other people and somewhere along that chain God will pull on the hearts of His people. And, because of that, some kids will find homes and come to know Jesus and be loved and hugged and tucked in and kissed.

You, my friend, are a stone that has been thrown into the pond. The stone made ripples and more ripples and more ripples. We, as Christians, need to do a lot more rippling.

I am so proud to call you my friend. I can't imagine anyone saying anything mean to you about your posts. I hate bumper stickers, but sometimes I want to get one that says MEAN PEOPLE SUCK.:-) I know you have seen that sticker:-)

Please know that I will be praying fervently for you.

I don't know what else to say. I am so sorry that you are going through this.

Thank you for being a wonderful testimony and a wonderful example.

Big hugs,
April

christina said...

Praying for you...and trusting that God's very best is worth the journey.

April Isaacs said...

Where's is therapy part 4? And, did you not post my comment from last time because you didn't like it?

Waiting here in Ohio!
April

Mom Of Many said...

I know I've already said it, but really, my heart hurts that you are so young and facing a complete hysterectomy. I still am confident that God has a good plan in the midst of it all, but it still hurts - bad!! Praying for you...

PS And from your first post on the therapy session...girlfriend if anyone said anything mean or inappropriate - "Let me at 'em"..=)

Cindi Campbell said...

I can imagine B needed your prayers more than you will ever know on this side. The daughter we lost in China before we could get there to adopt her was literally the stepping stone to the daughter we did bring home as her paperwork was not even in the system when we were first matched. We saw her picture and waited for 9 mths before she died and then we were matched with our Naomi. That little one will always be special to us like this child you prayed for and were considering adding to your family. I am so sorry for your loss. May God bless you and keep you and cause His face to shine upon you and give you His Peace.