Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Our 101st post :)---it's a doozy!

OK, so we've been laying low for awhile. We were super excited to hit the 12 month mark, but it wasn't as joyous as we thought. Not long after we hit that mark (exactly one week to the day) I read on our adoption agency's Yahoo group blog some pretty disappointing news. I was hesitant to write about it because of my four-in-the-morning-come-to-Jesus-post about how I shouldn't be selfish and always need everyone to encourage us. We shouldn't need everyone to always say, "It'll be alright." But, friends, family, right now we do.

The posting from our agency confirmed the rumors and our latest fears. They said that wait times would continue to increase. What it amounts to is backlog of dossiers + a shortage of paper-ready babies=only getting through a few days worth of dossiers per month. Just as a reminder to those who only pop in to read Tony's adorable posts and forget where we are in the adoption realm, we have a Log-in-Date of June 15, 2006. China is currently working on November 2005! What does all that amount to? We are looking at at least another 12-18 month wait. *sigh*

It's just SO stinking hard. I might have mentioned before that we feel like we're just "playing house" with buying clothes, organizing a play area, etc. And frankly, my darling, I'm over it. You just get to a point of thinking, "Do we want to have a daughter from China?" or "Are we just ready to be parents?" Honestly, I cannot speak for Tony, (well, I almost can) but if someone were to call us up about a private adoption right now (at 10:45 p.m.) we'd say, ok, let's talk to the birth mom! I don't want that to sound insensitive, it's simply a fact. If a little one needs a mommy and a daddy, we're ready to fill that role!

When we got in line for this roller coaster ride called adoption, we saw the signs about keeping hands inside the vehicle at all times, and that line jumping isn't a sport. But when we saw the signs that read, "Domestic adoption this way," we avoided them out of ignorance. Not only didn't it feel right at that time, we were TOTALLY afraid of domestic adoption. You know those worries, "If it's an open adoption, will I just be babysitting someone else's child?" "Can the birth family come and take away my child a month, a year, or 10 years down the line?" Now don't get me wrong, there are still lots of things we don't know about domestic adoption, but trust me on this one, education is key. The more we read and research, the less scary it is. It's a beautiful way to form families! It's still unknown territory, but we're definitely taking notice of those signs posted along the path now.

Does it mean we're jumping from the ship heading to China? NO WAY. It just means that adoption is bigger than China, and which way is God leading us? A year and a half ago the doors were opening left and right and things were going smoothly. The past few months have not gone as smoothly though. I know I can talk myself in and out of everything. "Rett, DO NOT let your faith waiver. How dare you doubt God's plan just because it's gotten a little painful!?" Imagine how history would have changed if Noah DIDN'T build that ark! So I waiver between that reasoning to, "Maybe God led us to this point to open OTHER doors. The orphan ministry is up and taking a foothold. Also, we're less fearful of domestic adoption. Maybe our child is right here in Indiana?" GRRRRRR. It's just so frustrating. Are we just being impatient? I'd almost say yes if we were on month seven of a 12 month wait, but we're talking years of doctor visits, surgeries, paperwork, and waiting...only to be another year or two?

What is all this ranting about? Somewhere in this world, God has prepared or is preparing a child specifically for us. It's just so hard to be patient. I get tired of walking around in a fertile world that was not meant for me.

Ok, enough poor Rett and Tony. We certainly do NOT have a disappointing life. We are blessed beyond words. God is good, ALL THE TIME...even right now as I'm whining!!

Thanks for listening.

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3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Just remember it's about you and Tony and YOUR baby that God has prepared for you. God will open those doors for the path that you need to take. I know you want to know what path to take, but only God can shine the light on that path for you. I'm still praying for God to give you the insight in what to do and what path to lead you down. If God closes a door, he will open another. Okay on a lighter note, just think of Officer Jason chasing a cow! That was funny!

Rachel

Lynnette Allen said...

Wow, I can't believe how things can change overnight. I feel for you, but if this is what you want, then wait is what you must do. Don't stop looking at other paths, the signs will lead you in the right directions if you continue to look around at your surrondings.

Lynnette :)

jkcm said...

How discouraging for you both. We are praying that God reveals his amazing plan to you soon. I am thinking of a Chris Tomlin song right about now......the one where he sings about how God placed the stars in the sky and HE knows them by name.......he knows your child by name and is preparing you for him/her. You have been so vigilant, God will continue to bless you for that. We pray that you find that peace and hope to get you through this waiting period that must seem like an eternity.