Wednesday, September 09, 2009


I've done my usual blog walk. I've checked out a couple of dozen blogs (I am on my lunch break!). I've even wandered from my regulars, to THEIR regulars. Everyone has so much to say. I've read about cancer, the first day of school, traveling to other countries, beans and rice, hair products, family birthdays, auctions, CDs, hair cuts, God's promises, the birds and the bees, prayer requests, and a variety of other topics.

Why is it I can't find a thing to talk about?

Why is it I feel so blah?

Why is it I feel so alone?

I have such a great life. I have a fantastic husband, wonderful daughters, a supportive family, fun friends, a comfy home church, a good job, more material junk than I should have, weekend plans for months on end, food in my belly, a beautiful home, and a God who lets me rant, cry, and praise all in the same breath. What more could I want? What more should I want? Why am I feeling this?

Some will say it's hormones. My surgery was two months and three days ago. Who knows...maybe it is. But the feeling is getting annoying. It's blah mixed with a dash of anticipation, and a smidge of irritation. That's one recipe for disaster.

I feel like I'm nearing a crossroad. Does that even make sense? Like something big is on the horizon (hence the dash of anticipation). It's not fear I feel...just interest and wonder. I remember feeling this exact same way RIGHT before we heard our news about the girls. No, no, we're not waiting on news about any pending least I don't think we are. Now if someone calls us out of the blue and says, "Rett, I have a question for you..." and goes on to ask if we'd be willing to adopt again, I'll just flip. That would be the memo of all memos from God. (And although I'd be single parenting because Tony would just die, I'd do it!!! )

It's just I feel a stirring in the atmosphere. An uneasiness. Like pressure changes before a storm.

I need to lean in toward God. I need to crawl up in His lap. I have pretty much been at an arm's length from Him lately, and I need to run toward Him again. I want to feel His warmth. I want to refocus. I need to. Because this crossroad, time of change, anxiousness is the pits. I need Him.

Jesus, I need you. Draw me close to You. And prepare my heart. My family's heart for whatever You are going to call us to do. Whoever you are going to call us to be. Prepare us. Because for now, I feel so unprepared. And I don't even know how to prepare.

So there. My post about nothing, and about a ton. It's what's on my heart.



Chris and Sarah said...

I am blah too!

Anonymous said...

Dear Rett,please take time to slow down and look around you. GET BACK IN TOUCH WITH YOUR GOD AND TURN ALL THINGS OVER TO HIM. Life is about ups and downs and you are on a down time, but I promise you things will start looking up if you let them.JUST REMEMBER...."EVEN IF SOMETHING IS LEFT UNDONE,EVERYONE MUST TAKE TIME TO SIT STILL AND JUST WATCH THE LEAVES TURN". Much love and many hugs,mom P.S. I hope you understand what I am trying to say.

Adeye said...

Oh don't be blah!!! :) You have so much to say, so much on your heart, dear friend.
Ooohhh, so He's stirring up something inside of you...that is exciting. You just don't get THAT feeling for nothing. I can hardly wait to see what doors He is going to open before your very eyes---I have a feeling you're not going to be feeling blah for too much longer :) The Almighty is at work!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for saying my prayer out loud.


Anonymous said...

Rett, it's okay to have the blahs, there maybe days that you will be thankful for having blah days. Blah days are the times like you have done to go to God and to help you to become stronger for days ahead. Some of the reason for the blahs could be hormonal, sorry!
I hope today brings you lots of joy and laughter!